Politics
Sex with my boyfriend is out of this world… but he won’t leave his girlfriend
DEAR DEIDRE: I AM so fed up with being my boyfriend’s secret lover. The sex is intense, emotional and out of this world – but he’s trapped in a long-term relationship and says he can’t be with me.
I’m a woman of 30 and I have been seeing my man, who is 32, for two years.
He is wonderful and makes me feel so free and alive in a way I haven’t felt in a long time.
He tells me repeatedly I am not his bit on the side — it’s me he wants to be with — but he is trapped in his relationship.
His partner is 29 and he says he doesn’t love her and they never have sex, but she can’t manage without him and he is scared what would happen if he left her.
We don’t see each other often because it’s hard for him to find the time, or a place to meet, but whenever we do hang out, it feels like we were never apart.
We fall into one another’s arms, saying how much we miss and love each other. He talks about how he wants a future with me that includes marriage and kids.
My friends say I am being stupid for waiting for him, and that he will never leave his partner.
They say he is using me. I know that’s not true — he wants to know all about me and my life and I never feel used.
Other men have asked me out but I always say no. They are never as good-looking, interesting or funny as my boyfriend.
He is the only one for me, and not being with him is killing me. I want all his promises to come true but his partner is in our way.
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DEIDRE SAYS: Your boyfriend can’t commit to you when he is with someone else. He is not his partner’s mother – are you sure he is not making excuses to keep you both in his life?
If he can’t find a way to leave her, then you may find yourself waiting a long time for something that may never happen.
The longer it goes on, the more painful any disappointment will be. You are potentially missing out on the marriage and family you crave. My support pack, Your Lover Not Free, explains the pitfalls of these kinds of relationships.
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The best way to find out if his words are empty is to set a time limit for him to leave her and properly commit.
If that doesn’t happen, as hard as it will be, you really do need to move on to find someone who can give you 100 per cent.
In case things don’t work out, see my support pack, Mend Your Broken Heart.
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