My name is Gordon Ramsay – I’m no chef but I can clean your oven!

‘Hi, I’ve got a reservation for two under Gordon Ramsay’. 

My partner and I had gone to Whitby for a holiday and had booked a lovely dinner for ourselves. 

As soon as I said the words, I could see the faces of everyone who worked in the restaurant drop with disappointment. 

Still, they sat us at the nicest table in the house and had a bit of fun anyway. Clearly, one of their colleagues had missed the update that I wasn’t – in fact – the famous chef and they neglected to tell him, instead asking me if they could bring him up to our table. 

The young lad came up and as soon as he clocked that I bore no resemblance to my namesake, he looked gutted. He ended up walking off in a huff over the prank the waiters had played on him. 

It’s not the first time I’ve been greeted with frowns, rather than a warm welcome, because of that specific misunderstanding – and it won’t be the last. 

The funniest instance had to be around 12/13 years ago when, in my old job, I was booked to repair some gym equipment in a hotel near Gatwick Airport. I’d also reserved a room to stay overnight once the job was done. 

As I was travelling some distance to get there, I called to let them know I’d be running late because of traffic and gave them my estimated arrival time. 

Clearly there was a bit of a mix up, as when I walked through the lobby a couple of hours later, the reception was filled with what seemed like a hefty chunk of the hotel’s staff, all with cameras at the ready, hoping to grab a selfie with me. 

It’s fair to say they were a bit surprised when I turned up in my overalls and work boots! 

I’ve since moved out of gym equipment installation and repair and have started an oven cleaning business, called Gordon Ramsay’s Cleaner Cookers. In this field, my name is pretty much as good as it gets and is very easy for clients to remember. 

By the time I set up shop, I had only known about Gordon Ramsay for around two or three years – I would never have thought he would end up as big as he is now. 

His fame has rubbed off on me, insomuch as I can’t say my name without someone asking me whether I’ll be making them dinner, or whether I can cook. 

When it comes to the latter, I do have a standard response, which is: ‘Yes I can cook – I taught him how’. Always accompanied by a big smile, of course. 

It’s a white lie; I’m definitely not a ‘good’ cook but I can make a decent Sunday dinner, cottage pie and I rustle up a mean stir fry. 

I like good old fashioned meals just like my mother used to make but my partner is the cook in our house.

In truth, I dread to think about what Gordon would make of my cooking. 

I wouldn’t want to be sworn at or treated like the people who have appeared on his shows, though – although I definitely think that aggressiveness is just put on for the TV cameras. He’s probably a nice guy. 

But on the face of it, we’re very different characters. I’m known for being happy, friendly and quite chatty with others! 

I don’t actually follow him too closely, but I did enjoy the show he did with Gino and Fred on their road trip; that’s what makes me think he’s a regular guy underneath it all. 

I’ve never thought of changing my name and as I am older than him, I’m passionate that the name belonged to me first. I’m proud of my Scottish heritage and wouldn’t want to do a disservice to my heritage by ditching it in favour of a non-famous name.

I would love to meet him and get some tips for cooking – and in return I could show him how to clean his oven to a professional, showroom standard. 

I would say that’s a pretty fair trade off!

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