Politics
Boyfriend slept with my best mate and I suspect they are still seeing each other
DEAR DEIDRE: I FEAR my boyfriend is playing me off against my best mate, and I don’t know what to do.
I am 27, he is 23, and we have had an on-off relationship for more than a year.
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During one of our breaks he slept with my best friend, who is 24.
I was hurt — it felt like she had broken the “girl code” — but I didn’t say anything because I didn’t think I had the right to, as we had broken up.
They started seeing each other and she would tell me that I kept coming up in their chats and causing arguments.
I know it’s wrong, but that secretly pleased me because I was still in love with him.
Then, just before the first lockdown, he saw me in the pub and came over for a chat.
It was clear he still liked me and we flirted and shared some private jokes.
That led to a massive row between them and they split up.
She told me he was all mine if I wanted him. Since then, she and I hardly speak and I have been in a proper relationship with him again.
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As I live alone, he is now in my support bubble, so we spend a lot of time together.
The problem is, I know he’s still in contact with her — it’s obvious from their social media pages, as she keeps blocking him then re-friending him.
I suspect they have started things up again. They both deny it.
Yesterday evening he was at my flat when he got a text.
We’d been having a laugh, and had even had sex, but then for no reason he started acting coldly towards me.
Out of the blue, he said he needs space and thinks we should have a break again.
It makes no sense, as everything has been great, and we’d even made plans to go for a long walk along the beach this weekend.
I don’t know what to do as I really love him and we have such good chemistry— everyone says it.
How do I make him realise I’m the one for him?
DEIDRE SAYS: Your boyfriend is still young at just 23, and it sounds like he isn’t ready for a serious relationship or able to commit to anyone.
To stop yourself falling deeper and risking more hurt, it might be better to accept what he is saying.
You can choose to tell him honestly how you feel and say you would love the chance to make it work, but if he is not ready there’s nothing you can do to make him.
When you like someone it’s easy to convince yourself they must feel the same but his actions suggest he is only after something casual.
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You and your best friend have allowed him to move back and forwards between you.
He is no doubt flattered by the way he can keep two women going.
Now is the time to move on with your life and meet someone new who is mature enough to give you the commitment you want.
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