Love Island’s Shaughna Phillips recalls ‘feeling like a failure’ if she ate food amid awful eating disorder

*Trigger warning: Eating disorders*

Shaughna Phillips has opened up about battling an eating disorder when she was younger.

The Love Island favourite shared a new YouTube video in which she detailed her ‘really bad relationship with food’.

Speaking in the new video, the 26-year-old recalled she would ‘go as long as possible’ without eating, and feel ‘like a failure’ when she broke this.

While doing her makeup in the clip, she began by explaining that she had gained weight during lockdown, and has been trying to tone up before restrictions are lifted.

However, she realised that she was weighing herself every day, which is something she did a few years ago.

Shaughna told fans: ‘In 2016, 2017, I had a really bad relationship with food. I don’t really like to call it an eating disorder mainly because I think I’m just in a bit of denial.

‘Essentially I did have an eating disorder, I got into some really, really bad habits, like terribly unhealthy.

‘I would literally be happy if I could go as long as possible without eating, I’d feel like I’d accomplished something. If I did eat something, I’d feel like I’m an actual failure. I would be weighing myself constantly and I got really, really, really skinny.’

The ITV2 star reflected on a birthday night out with pals, when she ordered a size six jumpsuit which was ‘too big’.

She revealed that this sparked a change in the way she treated herself.

Struggling to speak, Shaughna continued: ‘I remember looking in the mirror, thinking, ”All my life, I’ve wanted to be skinny and now I’m skinny. I don’t know how to stop it.” I didn’t know how to fix the position I was in. It had taken over my whole life.

‘Friends would always say to me, ”There’s a problem, you’ve got a problem”, and I’d be like, ”No, I haven’t, I wish. I’m so big.”

‘I was always the big girl out of my friends, it was only after I got to such a low point and realised that no matter what weight I am, I will always feel like that, no matter what I look like, I’d always still feel like the fat friend.’

Shaughna then started to put on weight and work out more, which made her ‘feel good’ after a while.

‘It took a while to feel good about that, I would eat more because I wanted to go to the gym,’ she said. ‘Then I kind of fixed myself.

‘I’ve never really thought back to that period of my life until now, when I started losing weight again. Last week was a really bad week.

‘I’ve accepted that what I was doing last week wasn’t healthy.’

Shaughna added that she was speaking out about her eating disorder as she felt she had a responsibility, with the following and platform she has, to share her experiences and how she managed to get herself out of dark places.

Taking to Instagram after sharing the YouTube video, the Celebs Go Dating star joked that she ‘ended up getting way deeper’ than she intended, while simply doing her makeup.

‘I’m usually either super open or super private when it comes to things I’m dealing with, but I had a bad week last week and it took someone’s question today for me to realise it…,’ she penned in a recent caption.

‘Anyway fast forward nearly bringing on a panic attack whilst filming, (that should make good viewing) I felt it was important I shared my situation in the hope that it may help someone else going through a similar situation, or maybe I’m just baring my soul for no reason whatsoever, WHO THE HELL KNOWS.

‘Anyways that’s enough awkward laughing emojis for one caption, video will be uploaded to my YouTube tomorrow.’

MORE : What was Gladiators and when was it on TV as Hunter joins cast of The Circle?

MORE : Netflix fan gives true crime viewers a helping hand with secret shortcut to access best documentaries