My wife won’t forgive me for flirting with other women on Facebook

DEAR DEIDRE: MY wife rumbled me flirting with other women.

I had zero intention of getting into bed with any of them but I might as well have done, given how she now treats me.

My wife won’t forgive me for flirting with other women on Facebook

When she threw me out, I convinced her to give me another chance.

I’m back home and we share a bed but I’m not allowed anywhere near her, not even for a little kiss.

I am 39 and she’s 37. We’ve been married for ten years and have a six-year-old son who has been hugely affected by this.

Of course, I realise I shouldn’t have been chatting up other women on Facebook. But isn’t it time she put it all behind her?

I love my wife to bits but living in each other’s pocket got boring. So I flirted for a little distraction.

But after my wife borrowed my iPad and found the messages, she was furious.

She kicked me out and refused to accept my apologies.

I then found out she had made a profile on some dating sites.

She said she was mid-divorce, which wasn’t true. I also know she met at least three guys. That hurt me hugely but she seemed to revel in her behaviour.

A few months passed and I begged her to take me back. Eventually she agreed.

I was so relieved and thought we could put the whole episode behind us and move on.

But the moment I try to kiss her or give her a cuddle, she shouts at me “to get out of her face”.

There is zero affection. We can’t continue like this. Her behaviour is seriously affecting my confidence.

DEIDRE SAYS:  Your wife has been devastated and the damage is done.

This sort of virtual contact directs energy and interest outside your relationship and can be just as hurtful as physical cheating.

You say you simply wanted a little distraction but that very distraction was detracting from your marriage.

You have to talk lots and hug lots. Tell her – again and again – that you love her, and that you deeply regret what you did and want to get over this crisis.

It will take time for your wife to heal and to be able to trust you again, but don’t give up.

The effects of breaking up a family are huge, and lasting, for any children. Your son alone must be worth trying to save your marriage for.

My support pack Cheating – Can You Get Over It? explains how you can move on from this. And you can get ongoing support through relate.org.uk.

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