Politics
Bitter divorce has left me split between son and grandkids
DEAR DEIDRE: NASTY divorce has left me torn between my son and my grandchildren.
They want to keep seeing me and their grandad but they don’t want any contact with their father.
I want to keep seeing my grandchildren without upsetting my son
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How can I maintain a relationship with them knowing it will hurt my son?
I’m 64 and my son is 40. He has two children from his former marriage, a boy of 12 and a girl aged 14.
Although the marriage fell apart in a nasty way, I have always got on well with my son’s ex.
She has never tried to stop me seeing my grandchildren or blocked them from visiting my home but she’s made it clear my son cannot be around when they come.
He behaved badly towards her and the children, who want nothing to do with him.
I respect their decision and don’t want to risk my relationship with them.
I also want them to see other members of the family so the divorce doesn’t ruin their family life.
But I’m worried my son will feel betrayed, as if I’m siding with his ex.
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DEIDRE SAYS: Keeping a relationship with grandparents and wider family is important for children, so they have some continuity and normality in their lives despite any divorce.
Your son needs to put his own feelings second, for his kids’ sake.
Please talk to him and explain you will be seeing your grandchildren and don’t want to keep it secret from him.
While you are not asking for his approval, you want to be transparent.
It may be that his kids will want to see him in the future, so keeping things civil is important.
My support pack When Parents Fall Out explains the impact of divorce on children involved.
