Entertainment
MAFS UK’s Thomas Hartley opens up about abusive ex: ‘It was a cycle of drink, drugs and being forced to have sex’-Meghna Amin-Entertainment – Metro
Thomas has bravely spoken out to diminish the stigma around victims of abuse.
Thomas has bravely opened up at the abuse he suffered (Picture: Matt Monfredi Ltd)
Married At First Sight UK’s Thomas Hartley has opened up about his past with an abusive ex, calling it a ‘cycle of drink, drugs and being forced to have sex.’
The 31-year-old from Liverpool, who met and married Adrian Sanderson at the altar, has been the centre of a lot of drama on the hit E4 show.
Thomas previously bravely spoke about the physical and sexual abuse he suffered when he was a teenager, telling his Instagram followers: ‘Abuse has been consistent in my life from when I was a teenager.’
Now, the mental health care assistant has opened up about the abuse he suffered at the hands of his ex, and admitted it’s taken years of therapy before he learnt to accept himself.
At the age of 23, Thomas secretly dated an older man who had not yet come out as gay, after one other relationship with a man that banned him from seeing his friends and family as a way to enforce control over him.
Thomas shared: ‘I didn’t really know what to do. He was a lot older than me and I was a far way from my home so I didn’t see a lot of my family and I didn’t have a lot of support around me.’
Thomas undertook years of therapy to learn to accept himself (Picture: Instagram / Thomas Hartley)
When his partner did come out, he received a ‘nasty’ reception which left Thomas feeling like his partner’s ‘only lifeline’.
Thomas continued to Mail Online, sharing that he was coerced into heavy drinking and drug abuse, and even forced into having sex: ‘He’d say “I’m getting you all this, are you not grateful?” and that was when the sexual things used to happen.
‘I felt really uncomfortable and I was really worn down. He used to take me and pick me up from work and he was there all the time. The only time I’d get away was at work but even then he would wait for me outside so I couldn’t say anything.
The 31-year-old has been at the centre of a lot of MAFS drama (Picture: Channel 4)
‘I just felt a shell of who I was. I’d go home and it would be drugs, drink, cook, clean and then forced to have sex with him. He’d be rough with me and say “you have to do this with me, it’s your job, this is why you’re here, look at this life I’ve given you”.
‘There was so much and I just thought if I do it then it’s over.’
Thomas also bravely opened up about how the abuse would occur when his boyfriend wasn’t even in the house, as Thomas would be locked inside and his partner would post cocaine through the letterbox.
‘It almost felt normal to be abused like that because it was so routine,’ Thomas emotionally added.
Thomas praised his superhero partner Adrian who he met at the altar (Picture: Channel 4)
However, he found the strength to leave his partner when he became in contact with his mother again, with the final straw being when he saw his partner slip ecstasy into his drink.
At the time, Thomas admitted thinking that he was ‘going to end up dead,’ before his mum came to get him and he ‘never saw him again’. despite his partner ‘following him’, waiting outside his workplace and gym.
‘Even though it was a relief to be away from him I felt lost. It was like Stockholm syndrome,’ Thomas added, talking about how hard it was to rebuild his life.
Thomas and Adrian have chosen to remain together (Picture: Simon Johns / CPL Productions)
The trauma of that relationship has left Thomas feeling like all relationships are going to be ‘toxic’ after being ‘conditioned’ to think that way.
Thomas also praised Adrian for helping him feel ‘secure’ again, calling him a ‘superhero’.
In the most recent commitment ceremony, despite threatening to quit after problems in the bedroom, the newlyweds ultimately chose to stay together and work on their relationship.
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After sharing his emotional story, Thomas hopes it will diminish the stigma around domestic abuse, as he added: ‘I’ve had so many messages from families with LGBT children who have thanking me for the visual representation of the community.
‘Labels are for clothes and not for people – I will wear what I want to wear and I am who I am.’
Married At First Sight continues on Monday at 9pm on E4.
Domestic abuse helpline
If you are in immediate danger call 999. If you cannot talk, dial 55 and the operator will respond.
For emotional support, you can contact the National Domestic Abuse Helpline on 0808 2000 247. Alternatively, for practical and emotional support, please contact Women’s Aid Live Chat 10am – 6pm seven days a week.
You can also reach the National Centre for Domestic Violence on 0800 270 9070 or text NCDV to 60777.
For free and confidential advice and support for women in London affected by abuse, you can call Solace on 0808 802 5565 or email advice@solacewomensaid.org.
Male victims of domestic abuse can call 01823 334244 to speak to ManKind, an initiative available for male victims of domestic abuse and domestic violence across the UK as well as their friends, family, neighbours, work colleagues and employers.
Alternatively, the Men’s Advice Line can be reached at 0808 8010327, or emailed at info@mensadviceline.org.uk.
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