Fat queer people like me are told to hate our bodies – Sam Smith’s video is a ray of light-Gareth Joyner-Entertainment – Metro

Sam Smith has inspired fat, queer people to see themselves represented (Picture: Getty Images)

I’d seen the images before I saw the video. I’d read every furious opinion before I heard the song. 

‘Obscene, debauched, pornographic!’ Christine Hamilton shrieked on Twitter. in response to the music video for Sam Smith’s latest song I’m Not Here to Make Friends.

Don’t threaten me with a good time, Christine!

I couldn’t wait to see what all the fuss was about. I drew the curtains, dimmed the lights, opened YouTube, and prepared myself for the depraved erotic frenzy that was promised. 

Was that it?

I’ve seen more flesh on show in a swim-wear segment on This Morning. 

The video boasts the singer in couture gowns, before they don a corset and execute tight choreography with similarly dressed dancers, against the backdrop of a lavishly decorated stately home. 

Camp? Deliciously so. But ‘obscene’? Had I happened across this video while flicking through the channels I’d have assumed it was an M&S lingerie ad. 

Of course, I’m feigning ignorance. 

I knew before I clicked ‘play’ what the fuss was about. 

The costumes are draped on bodies of indeterminate gender, and amongst them all stands Sam Smith. Sam Smith who is queer. Sam Smith who is fat. 

I say ‘fat’ with my full 47” chest. I’ve learned, thanks to the work of fat activists, that fat is not a bad word. It is simply descriptive. 

I’m also tall, and I feel no pressure to scramble for euphemisms when describing my height. 

So: I am fat, and I’ve found to my cost that society has a very particular idea about how fat people should both look and feel about themselves. 

At best we are cheerful, bubbly, comic sidekicks. 

At worst we are lazy, unhealthy slobs. 

Above all else, our bodies are to be feared. 

We serve as a grim warning to what might become of those who don’t eat two bowls of Special K a day (remember that horrific fad?). 

These messages become social conditioning. They become internalised, and influence how fat people feel about our bodies. 

I have a fat body. It’s also smooth. It’s curvy, and pale, and the bits that can offer a splash of colour are light pink. 

There’s a feminine softness to my body. Some days, I think my body is carved by an artist, fit for display in a museum. 

But if, like me, your birth certificate insists ‘male’ and you have a fat body, I’ve found an expectation (particularly among some gay men) that I should be hairy. 

There’s a feminine softness to my body (Picture: Dan Burraway)

That feminine softness I mentioned then becomes another way in which I’m told my body is incorrect.

And that’s why, on certain days, when the target ads for fad diets are at their loudest, when the intrusive comments from ‘loved ones’ have stung, after days and weeks of thin bodies being celebrated as the standard in television, films, and magazines, I can’t even look at myself. 

The image Christine Hamilton shared was of Sam Smith looking resplendent in a diamante encrusted corset with their fat, smooth chest proudly on display. 

I realised that I had a fizz of recognition seeing that picture. 

It happened before, when I was 13 years old, and Tim Curry’s diamante encrusted platform stiletto stomped rhythmically to the opening bars of his spectacular entrance when I first saw The Rocky Horror Picture Show on television. 

On both occasions I sat up like a toddler recognising their own reflection for the first time and squealed ‘that’s me.’

Because this is exactly who Sam Smith’s video has inspired; fat, queer people who can see themselves represented.

Sam Smith came out as non-binary in 2019. 

The singer has put the queer experience at the top of their priorities ever since, and it seems some members of the cis-het majority can’t bear it. 

It’s too often what happens to marginalised groups – ask any feminist who has been challenged on when ‘International Men’s Day’ is, Black activists who’ve been told ‘All Lives Matter’, or LGBTQ+ activists harassed over why there’s no ‘straight Pride.’ 

People hate to see others living as their authentic selves and that is really what’s fuelling the backlash, not concerns over obscenity. 

Sam Smith is unapologetic in their fat, queer identity, and the weapons of fat-shaming and queerphobia are being brandished to stamp it out. 

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Sam’s resolute commitment to living their authentic self means that the days since watching the video have been two of my better ones in terms of appreciating my own body, and I look forward to many more. 

When I shared that feeling, someone told me that they had thought the video cringe, but ‘had realised what is cringe for me has value for others.’ 

And clearly what is ‘obscene’ to some has plenty of value for me. 

Do you have a story you’d like to share? Get in touch by emailing Ross.Mccafferty@metro.co.uk. 

Share your views in the comments below.

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