I didn’t believe women my size were worthy of having pleasurable sex-Emmie Harrison-West-Entertainment – Metro

Luke Newton as Colin Bridgerton and Nicola Coughlan as Penelope Featherington get hot and heavy in the third series of Bridgerton (Picture: Liam Daniel/Netflix © 2024)

Hitting the spacebar, I tried to get my breath back.

It was 3:30 am, my husband was out and I was in bed with my laptop as my bed-mate.

Throwing back the covers, I headed to the bathroom to splash my face with cold water.

I’d just seen that iconic carriage scene between Penelope and Colin in the first part of Bridgerton, series three. And safe to say, I was feeling all of the feelings.

I’d never seen anything like it.

After my initial shock, I felt a slight sadness – and not just because it was over. But because I wish I’d been able to see it 15 years ago. 

As a plus-sized woman, it might have changed my understanding that I was as worthy and deserving of pleasure as Bridgerton’s Penelope.

If you haven’t had the joy of watching series three of Bridgerton, one scene between Penelope Featherington (Nicola Coughlan) and Colin Bridgerton (Luke Newton) is hitting headlines – and for all the right reasons.

The final scene of part one shows the will-they-won’t-they duo finally admitting their feelings for each other, and getting hot and heavy in Penelope’s carriage. 

Plus-sized women having incredible, empowering sex scenes is what TV needs (Picture: Wirelmage)

Colin’s hand ends up buried beneath the layers of Penelope’s tulle skirts, but the carriage comes to a shuddering halt before Penelope gets to… return the favour.

The shoulder of her dress has slipped, and Colin carefully fixes it for her as the camera focuses on his two, raised fingers – lifted as if not to stain the material. It’s genius, and extremely sexy. 

It’s made me so excited for part two coming out on June 13, not just for the plot line, or the pair’s steamy sex scenes that we’ve been promised – but because I’ve realised something: I’ve sorely missed plus-sized women having incredible, empowering sex scenes. 

Or sex scenes altogether. They are what TV has desperately been missing, and for far too long.

Growing up, I never believed that women my size were worthy of having pleasurable, passionate sex because I didn’t feel accurately represented anywhere. 

Nicola Coughlan’s once-ostracised character emerge from the shadows (Picture: Liam Daniel/Netflix/PA)

Porn involving women of my size was grotesque, or a joke. I was fetishised, fantasised over and used by ‘chubby chasers’, or turned into a bedroom bucket-list item.

Fat women in TV shows or films were the ‘odd ones out’ or ‘ugly ducklings’ who only became lusted after if they lost weight and had a complete make-over (thanks for that, Shallow Hal!).

Even now, in pop culture, they’re either wallflowers or ‘one of the lads’ – never the love interest.

The closest I got to seeing girls like me was Rae Earl (Sharon Rooney) in My Mad Fat Diary. Even then, she broke up with her extremely attractive boyfriend, Finn (Nico Mirallegro), because of her own body insecurities.

Sharon Rooney in My Mad Fat Diary has been one of a very few plus-sized women celebrated on TV (Photo by Gareth Cattermole/Getty Images)

But that was 10 years ago and I couldn’t name you anything that’s come even close since.

To see Nicola Coughlan’s once-ostracised character emerge from the shadows and become the focal point for unapologetic sexual pleasure brings me so much joy. 

In the latest series of Bridgerton, Penelope’s weight doesn’t hold her back from being loved or lusted after by an eligible bachelor. It’s not an issue at all, as Penelope’s self-confidence and sparkling personality shines through – catching the eyes of multiple men.

And in an interview, Coughlan said that she advocated for, and controlled, all of her sex scenes. She said that she ‘specifically asked for certain lines and moments to be included’.

Emmie has suffered from the impact of internalised fatphobia (Picture: Emmie Harrison-West)

‘There’s one scene where I’m very naked on camera, and that was my idea, my choice,’ she told Stylist magazine.

‘I felt beautiful. It just felt like the biggest “f**k you” to all the conversation surrounding my body; it was amazingly empowering.’

During an audience Q&A after a premiere of the season’s second half in Dublin, Coughlan responded brilliantly to being called ‘very brave’ by a journalist for getting naked on camera.

She replied: ‘You know it is hard because I think women with my body type – women with perfect breasts’ – as the crowd started laughing and applauding –  ‘we don’t get to see ourselves on screen enough. And I’m very proud.’

I wish I’d had women like Coughlan on my screen growing up. Maybe I’d have felt just as empowered and beautiful as she did when she got naked, rather than ashamed, embarrassed and disgusted by the fact that my body went against the ‘skinny’ norm.

Scores of young girls will hopefully watch Coughlan’s portrayal Penelope and feel deserving (Picture: Robert Okine/Getty Images)

It’s taken years of solo self-growth to realise that I am desirable and worthy of love, lust and pleasure – though it has not come without its hardships.

Over the years, I’ve definitely settled for less from men as a result of this internalised fatphobia.

My pleasure has been a second thought, and I’ve felt too ashamed to take my clothes off or be vocal about what I want.

And maybe, just maybe, if I had Bridgerton growing up, I wouldn’t have let men take advantage of me because I thought I was unworthy of respect as a fat woman.

I do hope that, after part two is released this Thursday, scores of young girls who feel just as I once did, get to feel like they’re deserving as Penelope – and that respect and adoration of my body should be ‘the object of all my desires’ and not ‘the bane of my existence’.

Dearest gentle Bridgerton, you must make haste. We’re waiting for you.

Do you have a story you’d like to share? Get in touch by emailing jess.austin@metro.co.uk. 

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