Entertainment
I’d never let my teens do what Kirstie Allsopp allowed her 15-year-old to-Gillian Harvey-Entertainment – Metro
I was stunned.
Children simply aren’t ready for that (Picture: REX)
Two parents debate whether Kirstie Allsopp was right to allow her 15-year-old to go interrailing without parental supervision. Read the ‘in defence of’ article here.
As a mother of teens and near-teens, three of them tower over me.
They can all hold their own in a conversation about current affairs. It often feels like they’re on the cusp of reaching adulthood.
Until, that is, they are presented with a simple task. ‘How long does pasta take to boil?’ ‘Can you help me untie this knot?’ ‘I don’t know how to fold t-shirts!’
Suddenly, the years fall away and I realise they are not tiny adults, but oversized children who still have a lot to learn.
That’s why I’m stunned to learn that Kirstie Allsopp let her 15-year-old go interrailing with a friend at such a tender age.
Modern teens may seem worldly and, true, they certainly know more about the wider world than I ever did in my day. Constant access to the internet means they have the kind of knowledge at their fingertips that I’d have found mind-blowing 30 years ago.
But while this knowledge may seem to indicate maturity, it’s not always the case – teens often lack the day to day problem-solving skills we were forced to develop in a pre-internet age.
I developed skills that my children just haven’t had to yet (Picture: Gillian Harvey)
In the low-tech past of my childhood, I got into many scrapes. Often ones I’d rather my parents didn’t know about. It meant that I developed skills that my children just haven’t had to yet.
I knew how to talk my way out of trouble, had in-case-of-emergency numbers stored in my memory, and could figure out the complexities of a late-night bus timetable.
Admittedly, parents – myself included – do feel reassured by technology, especially mobiles. We can call our children at any time to see if they’re OK (provided they answer of course) and even if they do find themselves stranded in a Bulgarian train station at midnight, in this age of instant communication it seems nobody is ever really ‘alone’.
But in some ways, our teens are disadvantaged by the technology that makes them feel so grown up. Instant access to information and answers has left children lacking in other areas.
Yes, they can create an impressive Canva sharable, but paper maps baffle them. They know exactly how to pose for the perfect selfie, but many struggle with real-life interactions such as asking for directions from a stranger, or making a phone call to a human being in a hotel or embassy rather than using an online contact form.
How would they manage if they ran out of money for a taxi? And for the love of God, WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF THEY LOST THEIR PHONES?
As a parent, you cannot let your child go out into the wider world and delegate responsibility for your child to a device. It may be able to tell your kids where the nearest station is but it won’t warn them that the bloke sitting opposite on the train looks a bit dodgy, or intervene if they manage to blag themselves a bottle of wine – or tell them it’s time to call it a night.
Read the other side of the debate
As a mum of a tween and a teen myself, I wholeheartedly agree with her – letting her child go off into Europe is character-building.
I have a 15-year-old son and a 10-year-old daughter. Despite the world seeming a dangerous place (certainly if you read social media), I allow my eldest a level of freedom a lot of other mums don’t.
He goes camping, travels by train on his own, works out how to get home if said trains are invariably late or cancelled – and I’d certainly be happy, in the coming months, to set him free on a train in Europe.
In my job as a writer, I have interviewed lots of older people for memoirs about their lives. I’ve spoken to at least four older men now in their 80s, who ‘ran away’ to join the navy, army and even the special boat service aged just 16. They’d had to face adulthood and hardship early on and it had built their characters for life.
I’d sit taking notes, in awe at how young they’d been when they’d had to make huge decisions, leave their families and go out into the world.
Read more here
A parental presence may not be as welcome as a phone, especially on holiday, but at least we’re harder to lose and only sometimes run out of battery.
It’s easy to see kids as capable. And in many ways they are – almost. They can handle a day or evening out unsupervised. But before we send them out into the wider world, it’s important to be realistic about how worldly they actually are.
Science seems to back up the assertion that while 15 year olds are starting the journey to adulthood they haven’t yet reached it. Of course, it’s true that our brain continues to develop and mature into our 20s, and nobody’s arguing we shelter our kids until then, but 18 is the age when our ‘executive function’ matures.
Sending a child whose brain may not enable them to exert the necessary levels of self-control, planning and focus on a solo holiday seems foolhardy at best.
Yes, 15 year olds are ready for more responsibility. They are at a stage when new experiences will help to shape the adults they will eventually become. Yet this can be achieved more safely either closer to home or in the company or oversight of a responsible adult.
Kirstie Allsopp with her sons (Picture: Joe Maher/Getty Images)
By all means take your kid to Europe; let him take solo day trips to places of interest and give him freedom and responsibility suitable to his age such as exploring safe areas of a city, going to a gallery or eating out with a friend.
But don’t drop him at the station with an interrail ticket and a hair ruffle. He simply isn’t ready.
Yes, it sounds like everything went smoothly for Allsopp’s son – but god forbid, what if it hadn’t? A 15-year-old is in no place to navigate the many, many problems that could have come his way. From train cancellations, to falling victim to a crime.
Teens can look like adults. They sometimes behave like adults. They have some of the problems and issues and thoughts that adults might have. But remove the outer layer and – like it or not – you still have a child at the core.
They may well manage to tour Europe without incident but letting them do so is still a risk. And one that I believe 15 year olds aren’t ready to take.
Do you have a story you’d like to share? Get in touch by emailing jess.austin@metro.co.uk.
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