I knew I had a problem with reality TV – but I didn’t think a doctor would agree-Kitty Chrisp-Entertainment – Metro

I thought I just had a problem with reality TV – but it turns out it was something deeper (Picture: Getty)

Starting a reality TV show is a terrifying prospect. Especially when, as was the case a few months ago, this show is on Bravo – utter trash – and is 11 seasons long.

So watching Vanderpump Rules – which follows the shagging, cheating, cursing and shouting antics of Lisa Vanderpump’s restaurant staff at Sur in Los Angeles – was quite the undertaking. 

In the time I have watched Vanderpump Rules – which is around 14 days worth of 16-hour bingeing – I could have written a book. Ian Fleming wrote each of the James Bond books in less than two weeks. But no. I sat. I consumed. I festered.

Often I say, “Oh go on, one more episode!” at midnight rather than be tempted by sleep, when I have a whole load of stressful stuff to be getting on with the next day. I settle down for another hour in the knowledge I just stole happiness from future Kitty, and end up cosy in my weird Californian world which is miles away from tomorrow. It makes me sluggish, tired, and feel less of a human than I need to be in order to face the world.

This isn’t a new problem for me. The “One More Episode” curse has haunted me for years – and it used to be even worse.

One fateful university summer I stayed up watching Game of Thrones re-runs until 4am every night. I would only go to bed when I could hear the morning chorus.

I also secretly watch episodes without my boyfriend, breaking that sacred TV show trust. In the depths of lockdown I once binged an entire season of The Last Kingdom after we’d watched an episode on FaceTime together. I was up until 3am. He wasn’t impressed.

Oops, lol – but also, am I okay? 

For some reason I attached onto this rubbish – but brilliant – reality TV show Vanderpump Rules (Picture: Gizelle Hernandez/Bravo via Getty Images)

When is watching too much reality TV an addiction?

I was told perhaps there is a problem

Somewhat curious about my recent obsessive foray into the Bravo-sphere, I asked some professionals if I should be worried.

Dr Catherine Carney, psychiatrist at Delamere made me think I should be.

‘So if you’re doing something, and in spite of those negative issues that come as part of it, you keep doing it, that’s when you’ve got a problem with it. That’s when I’d say it’s an addiction,’ she said.

I definitely do that. Eek.

Medically, TV addiction – as a behavioural addiction – is not recognised, so is tricky to define.

‘There isn’t a lot of research about a lot of behavioral addictions surrounding TV addiction and social media addiction,’ said Dr Carney.

‘It’s not actually recognised by the World Health Organization or anything, but they are doing research into it. The thoughts on it at the moment are that the reward systems in the brain – which are driven mainly by dopamine – reacts to cliffhangers in TV shows.

‘In the same way that substances can, they provide a stress release, a distraction, a kind of escapism.’

It stopped me getting outside and exploring the world, because watching reality TV was less scary

From chatting to three professionals, it became clear that my incapacity to switch off in the early hours isn’t just some personality quirk, or a lame anecdote I must remind myself not to whip out at the pub – or a form of time-consuming, brain dead self love – but it’s actually deeply intertwined with my deeper struggles: anxiety and connection. 

While I can’t seem to take action and switch off when the next episode if automatically loading, most people can. The root cause of TV addiction is personal, and can’t be solely blamed on a particularly gripping storyline, or an infuriating cliffhanger.

Reality TV can fill a hole of unmet needs

Counsellor Georgina Sturmer thinks my insatiable appetite for hours on hours of reality TV is about my own personal unmet needs.

‘If you think about unmet needs, TV addiction might come from feeling lonely, anxious or depressed, isolated or bored, and in a lot of ways, TV is a massive win for all of those things,’ she said.

Addiction specialist Liz Sharpe went a bit deeper, and suggested: ‘We all need stories, because that’s what connects us as people. And if, actually, there’s a hole in that part of the life, then is it because you need connection to other people?’

This correlation between trying to build connections through obsessive reality TV consumption and a lack of real life intimacy checks out on a deeper level than I’d cared to admit.

Thinking back, I’ve always been a ‘people person’, to the point where that is what I would put on my CV when I had nothing else to say. Thinking about people, talking to people, watching people is me. I’ve grown wiser with age than to say I’m a ‘people person’ – this assumes I automatically like people, which is not the case. But I find people the most interesting part of life – beyond writing, my job, or even my dogs. Sorry, Snoop. 

TV-watching can be a tempting distraction from life

But I lost the ability to connect with people when I had a mental health crash last year, built up from years of snowballing anxiety, and it tipped into what I look back on now as a touch of depression.

The cracks showed during one-to-one or intimate situations with close friends. I heard my awkward, strained voice in my ears like a robotic megaphone getting flatter and flatter, less varied in pitch and personality.

As much as I tried, I couldn’t seem to muster my easy pitch, and once breezy jokes. I couldn’t think of anything to say, and if I could, I couldn’t remember how to deliver it as myself.

I began avoiding the people. I let some close friendships slip. Instead of working to fix this, I chose the safety of reality TV. 

Not only does TV addiction fill the absence of connection in my life, but it also exacerbates this need every time I get sucked in.

Watching TV doesn’t just fill a hole in my life – but it widens it

‘TV addiction can actually increase social isolation from actually real people out in the world, the real connections, your family, your friends, you kind of using a false reality to create your own reality and your sense of connection,’ said Dr Carney.

Georgina agreed, adding: ‘It can be a symptom of those problems, but it can also make them worse.

‘Because we’re hooked into something that feels quite addictive, it makes it much harder for us to turn it off and step away and go outside and build those connections that we need to make ourselves feel more grounded in our lives.’

TV addiction should be medically recognised

While misplaced connection has been explored in terms of social media usage, we rarely chat about unhealthy TV patterns.

‘A bit like gaming addiction – which is slowly becoming recognised – I think social media and TV addiction will eventually become medically recognised and defined like gambling has,’ said Dr Carney.

Right now though, as Georgina pointed out, it’s seen as a ‘healthy hobby’ and often – which it is in many cases – a form of self-care.

‘It’s become seen as this kind of healthy hobby in comparison with drinking, or the excessive social media use, or going out and staying out late and having a massive hangover,’ said Georgina.

If watching TV isn’t negatively impacting your life, then it can be a joy. Sometimes, it is for me too.

We need to find a balance between self-care and avoidance

But I began avoiding going out in favour of what I saw as a purer form of self-indulgence: a cosy night in watching my favourite TV show. I wasn’t chasing fun anymore drinking until 2am, which was good I suppose. But I also wasn’t chasing anything, other than a fleeting feeling of connection, which ultimately meant nothing.

Why go out and risk having a scary social experience if I can stay in and guarantee a good time? That isn’t me, but it’s what I became in the trough of my mental health low.

The digital detachment theory

Digital detachment is a real problem: where people are avoiding, and ruining, their real life relationships by spending time on social media.

In 2024, online divorce service Divorce-Online saw a surge in cases where social media is directly contributing to marriage breakdowns. While this also includes online cheating and social media envy from partners, digital detachment – constant screentime, obsession with social media and a lack of meaningful in-person communication – was also cited as a rising reason for divorce.

While my bouts of TV addiction hasn’t affected my relationship with my partner on a serious level, I am convinced I digitally detached from my friends.

My struggles with anxiety resulted in social avoidance, and the safe space of a reality TV show – where I can think about people, but not have to interact with real ones in my life – gave me a comforting but unhealthy blanket to hide under. It fed my need for social situations, without me having to live my life.

Liz explained: ‘With anxiety if you avoid something your fight or flight goes up. You think, “I’ve got to go to this party,” or wherever, and your fight or flight goes up.

‘You avoid it, you calm down again, and your brain has just learned, “Well, if I avoid it, I won’t have to feel like that again.”‘

If in doubt, Vanderpump Rules

After many tears I was reluctantly put on anti-anxiety medication Sertraline by a doctor I saw in even more tears, and have been on it ever since. 

It’s changed my life completely. I still have bad patches when I fall into my old spiraling mindset again and can’t stop crying. But mostly, things are dandy and my voice sounds normal. Phew. I can work, laugh, and be myself again – finally – after years of sinking deeper and deeper into my own head.  

But when I do have these down days, my default is reality TV. It’s binge watching. It is, right now, Vanderpump Rules. I am about to finish the 11th season, over 200 hours later.

‘It’s about numbing something or chasing an emotion,’ Carney said about addiction in general. ‘It makes people feel very isolated.’

What’s one thing people suffering from addiction all have in common?

‘It’s never 100% of people, but I think the one that always stands out for me is low self esteem,’ she added.

Brilliant.

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