The Family Stone is the most insane movie I’ve ever seen – here’s why you should watch it this Christmas-Brooke Ivey Johnson-Entertainment – Metro

We need to talk about how insane The Family Stone is (Picture: 20th Century Fox)

If you love really weird family boundaries, a badly executed homophobia subplot, Sarah Jessica Parker getting drunk off like one beer, and feeling like you’ve just watched a version of reality with altogether different rules than the ones you live in, you might love the Family Stone.

When I first sat down to watch this 2005 Christmas comedy I thought: ‘How have I not seen this?’

With a cast comprised of Diane Keaton, Sarah Jessica Parker, Rachel McAdams, Dermot Mulroney, Claire Danes, and Luke Wilson, it seems like it ought to be an absolute classic.

The set up is simple enough: SJP’s character is a professional woman trying to have it all. Her boyfriend insists she finally comes home with him for the holidays (he’s largely unimportant, as are there character names), much to her chagrin.

When she does, she finds that he has the kind of sitcom family – complete with traditions and an inexplicably rude younger sister (played by a criminally underutilised Rachel McAdams) – that she has no ability to relate to.

To say her behaviour is awkward would be like saying pushing someone into the tube tracks is a bit rude.

Luke Wilson plays an extremely creepy brother who dresses like a teenager, for some reason (Picture: 20th Century Fox)

In her attempts to shed the ghost of bubbly Carrie Bradshaw and come off as an introverted urbanite, SJP creates a character so totally unsettling I couldn’t help but wonder if the movie would end in a twist family annihilation.

An overwhelmed and easily offended Diane Keaton plays the boyfriend’s mother, and she – along with a bafflingly child-like Rachel McAdams – seemingly has some kind of blood feud with SJP that is surely going to be revealed in the course of the film; that’s how poorly they treat her.

But their motivation seems to be merely that they think her vibe is kind of off. In contrast, when her sister eventually shows up (Clare Danes), its as if the messiah himself has appeared in the family home and sat down to Christmas dinner. Why? Impossible to say.

Oh did we mention they all dress like they’re in different eras? (Picture: 20th Century Fox)

As one user on Reddit put it: ‘Every single decision made by all the characters is just bizarre. Nobody behaves rationally and the ‘happy’ ending that involves basically a partner swap with her sister is just a cherry on top.’

Oh yeah, that’s how it ends. Essentially, the boyfriend’s creepy, perpetually stoned brother (played by Luke Wilson, who is the only one not downright malicious to SJP) ends up with SJP while her boyfriend ends up with her sister. And then they all have Christmas as one big happy family. What?!

Best of all, there’s a dinner scene that is so completely insane you genuinely have to watch it to believe it. Diane Keaton says, apropos nothing, that she wishes ‘all her children were gay,’ causing SJP to suddenly pipe up and wonder why she would wish discrimination on her children (not a totally insane point in 2005 suburbia, to be fair).

Why is Sarah Jessica Parker so unlikeable? (Picture: 20th Century Fox)

But the entire family reacts as if SJP has just started spouting slurs and suggesting Mein Kampf made some decent points, especially the token gay brother who is not at all involved in the film except to singlehandedly tick every intersectionality box (he is gay, deaf, and dating a Black man).

In summary, its a flawless Christmas movie to watch with your family, completely perfect, I have no notes. I have never seen anything so unabashedly tonally off or incomprehensible. It’s as if a rudimentary AI bot ingested 20 Christmas films and then wrote the script based on a loose idea of usual human behaviour.

So why should you watch it, you ask? Well, it’s become a beloved family classic for my family because it unites the room against a common enemy: The movie itself.

It’s hard to argue with your siblings or get annoyed that your mum’s told the same story ten times if you’re all howling with laughter at the plotline of perhaps the worst film ever made.

So when you’re home for the holidays and start arguing with your parents, suggest you all watch The Family Stone. It’s truly a bonding experience that will bring you closer together.

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