I watched my mum be sectioned repeatedly – Joe Wicks has done a service for those of us with mentally ill parentsAnonymousEntertainment – Metro

I hope Joe’s documentary will make young carers feel less alone (Picture: BBC)

At 12-years-old I watched my mum being dragged out of the house by two or three police officers, kicking and screaming as they tried to get her into the back of an ambulance.

But she wasn’t being arrested, she was being sectioned. 

My mum was diagnosed with schizophrenia and bipolar disorder in 2002, when I was eight, which meant that she was in and out of hospital on a regular basis. 

At the time, I felt embarrassed and alone, with not much support available.

That’s why I’m so glad to see that Joe Wicks is raising awareness of what it’s like to be a child with a parent who has a mental illness in his new BBC One documentary, Joe Wicks: Facing My Childhood. 

If people like Joe can open up about their experiences, I hope it will make young people feel less stigmatised about being a young carer.

My mum’s episodes were unpredictable – but they were frequent, and became more and more so as the years went on. When she was well, things were OK – but the bad times lasted much longer than the good times, meaning that her illness took over her life. And ours. 

In the beginning, when she was having an episode, it was shocking and scary – but it quickly became our ‘normal.’ It was only when I got a bit older that I realised this wasn’t what other kids my age had to deal with at home. 

I had two younger brothers and was the eldest of three. This meant that I often shared caring responsibilities alongside my dad. I often had to make sure that she was eating properly, that she was OK, or that she was taking her medication correctly.

When she was bad, she’d act unpredictably; talking to herself, refusing to sleep for days, speaking in different languages, not taking her medication, or trying to overdose on it. 

The bad times lasted much longer than the good times, meaning that her illness took over her life – and ours

When she was unwell, she’d get sectioned under Section 3 of the Mental Health Act – meaning that she could be admitted to hospital. It was very difficult to have her at home. But it was so hard to witness, especially as a child, as the police would come and take her by force; handcuffing her and pepper spraying her when she refused to go.   

There were certain times when there weren’t any hospital beds, and we’d have no choice but to deal with her at home. 

One of the worst things was knowing that all the neighbours in the estate were watching from behind their curtains when this was all happening – and nobody came to ask how we were doing, or to offer any help. Maybe they didn’t know what to do or so, but just asking or offering help would have made us feel much more accepted. 

The smallest gestures can make the biggest difference when you already feel isolated and ostracised. 

Each episode would typically last around three weeks, before it got to the point that she had to be taken into hospital, then she’d be in hospital for up to a month, before coming home. We’d get around one week of ‘good times’ before it would start again. It was hard to enjoy the that week as we knew what was coming – and we were almost waiting for it to happen. 

My mum’s mental illness impacted our lives hugely. My brothers and I were often up during the night, as it’s hard to relax when all of that is going on and your mum is refusing to sleep. 

Often, I felt like I was a parent myself, and was frequently exhausted, often falling asleep in class, and having to fit in revision around hospital visiting times. 

But school was a sanctuary for my brothers and I and we used it as an escape from our situation. Our dad always instilled the importance of education in us, so we made sure to try our best. But, sadly, my mum missed out on lots of those key moments over the course of my life, from school exam results to my graduation from uni. 

And by 2013, when I was 19, things had gradually got worse. We were struggling to look after my mum at home and on one particular day my dad had gone out, and her episode got so extreme that I had no choice but to call the police. They came and got her but, this time, they said she was too unwell to live at home any more and so she was admitted to rehab, where she stayed for three years. 

I felt a huge amount of guilt about this as usually, it had been my dad who would call the police. And the one time that I had phoned, she’d been taken away for good. 

The rehab was in the countryside and was hard to get to. In those three years, I visited a couple of times and my brothers didn’t see her at all. It was confusing emotionally, as I wanted my mum to be OK – but I had found it hard to build a good relationship with my mum, because of her mental illness.

In 2017, she was released from rehab but was then admitted to live in a care home – we had all grown so much that our tiny flat couldn’t have accommodated us all. And this meant that she could be properly monitored and looked after by professionals.

The care home was within walking distance to our flat, so we could visit more regularly and I tried to go every weekend, even if it was just for five minutes. She was also allowed out to come and visit us at home but it was still hard to build that relationship.

By this point, my mum had developed chronic obstructive pulmonary disease (COPD), a disease that can cause airflow blockage and breathing problems.

Joe has two children with wife Rosie (Picture: Instagram @thebodycoach)

Sadly, she passed away in 2019 – on her death certificate, it stated that she had been in the midst of an episode when it happened, but the COPD was also on there as having played a part. 

I’m 28 now and, looking back, such a huge chunk of my life has revolved around my mum’s mental illness. It was so tough and I felt so alone and ashamed of our situation – and I don’t want anyone else to feel like that. 

That’s why I hope Joe Wicks’ documentary might help others going through similar things to not feel embarrassed. 

I hope young people today feel like they can ask for help – as the help and services that are available to young carers weren’t there when I was that age. I so wish it had been – things might have been different for me if there had been more support. 

I’ve found my coping mechanism in the act of me helping others. I’m now a trustee for Our Time, a charity that helps the children of parents who have a mental illness. Getting involved with the work that they do has helped me understand myself better – and I get a lot of enjoyment from helping others.

Despite the hardships I’ve been through, I’ve been able to move on with my life. I got married last year and I’m in a happy relationship, with a life of my own. This isn’t something I took for granted that I’d be able to have when I was younger but it just goes to show that it is absolutely possible to live a ‘normal’ life. 

To anyone going through anything similar to what I’ve been through, I’d like to remind them that there’s a whole future ahead of you and your life doesn’t have to be limited by the responsibilities that come with being a young carer. 

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There’s no doubt that going through everything that I’ve had to endure has made me the person I am today. Living as a young carer, to someone with a severe mental illness,  builds you up as a person. 

I firmly believe that if you’re a child who has had a parent with a mental illness you can deal with anything. And for anyone out there dealing with something like this, please don’t feel alone, don’t feel ashamed – and remember, it’s not all on you. 

Your parent is also someone’s brother or sister, aunty or uncle, friend or neighbour.

It shouldn’t all fall on your shoulders – don’t be scared to ask for help and support. 

As told to Siobhan Smith.

Do you have a story you’d like to share? Get in touch by emailing jess.austin@metro.co.uk. 

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Entertainment – Metro