‘I secretly run a fake showbiz news account – there’s one major rock star who hates me’-Kitty Chrisp-Entertainment – Metro

Fake Showbiz News has been creating online mischief since 2011 (Picture: Getty Images)

Anyone who knows anything about showbusiness or X knows Fake Showbiz News.

Ryan Meadows (a pseudonym which ‘probably has something to do with Ryan Seacrest’) has been tweeting the most banal fake British news stories since 2011.

‘It’s a silly diversion to let me run wild,’ says the 41-year-old dad of two, who is a writer for a local broadcaster.

In his day job Ryan works on hard news, but once the clock strikes 5 an online showbiz maverick is born – here to sweep X dwellers off their feet with the best of British humour.

Here he imagines Jessie J running an abattoir, Adrian Chiles pondering that every time he has sex a celebrity dies, and Ellie Goulding getting in a state about missing people.

A long-time showbiz obsessive, Ryan grew up reading Heat magazine, absorbing all the characteristics of Britain’s perhaps least remarkable celebrities and making them go viral in scenes their publicists could only dream of.

Jessie J has her own storyline in Ryan’s fake showbiz world (Picture: Matt Winkelmeyer/Getty Images)

‘I have a weird memory for all the things that have happened in the last 35 years,’ Ryan explains. ‘Things that are long forgotten by people will still live rent free in my head, and they resurface on Fake Showbiz News.’

Of course, Ryan isn’t taking real life events, gossip or rumours and reporting them as fake news on his page. That would be wrong. And illegal. It’s more that he captures a person’s vibe and subverts it into comedy.

Often, he takes celebrities with serious dispositions and puts them in ridiculous., bizarre, or even incredibly boring situations.

‘Channel 4 Dispatches investigation into Jessie J’s Hertfordshire abattoir makes a number of serious allegations,’ was one of Ryan’s best fake news report headlines ever, which gained over thousands of likes. .

He then mashed up very standard complaints you might find on such an investigation – ‘Covid protocols not followed’ – with the downright absurd: ‘Sacked staff were made into burgers.’

Elsewhere in the abattoir, workers were paid as little as £2.15 an hour, meat was stored improperly, employees were banned from using the toilet while on shift, there was no fire safety place in plan, and senior staff had no diversity training.

Meanwhile, Kylie Minogue ‘also slaughtered’ following a ‘stint as interim boss’.

Ellie Goulding understands the assignment (Picture: Chris Jackson/Getty Images for Marriott International & Universal Music Group)

Oh how we chuckled. But it didn’t stop at just one joke: Ryan has created a whole world following this real-time storyline in which Jessie J is grappling with the law in the fallout of the abattoir investigation.

‘I take it quite seriously now. I map it out and work out where it’s going.

‘So there’s been a lot of dark things happening at the abattoirs. She’s ended up being arrested, charged with various serious offences. I’ve timed the court case for next year, which shows how slow our legal system works.’

Ryan has even seen someone dress up as Jessie J The Abattoir Owner for Halloween.

Ellie Goulding has also featured in some of Ryan’s most memorable fake news, and she was up to some serious business last month.

‘Ellie Goulding says the other day she saw an ambulance driving in the OPPOSITE direction of the hospital. “No wonder so many people are dying,” she frowned,’ Ryan’s fake post read.

His original tweet about the popstar – ‘Ellie Goulding says she can’t believe there are more than 800 missing people in the UK. “Where the f**k are they all?”’ – has become somewhat of a cultural emblem, with the star herself even getting involved.

‘Someone raised it with her at HMV signing. They asked what she thought about all the missing people. She responded with the quote from the original tweet. She got the reference straight away,’ chucked Ryan.

But not everyone is such a good sport.

‘We’ve done a few poking fun at Ian Brown because you know, he’s become a bit of a COVID denier and is into his conspiracy theories,’ Ryan said, explaining his brief run-in with the Stone Roses rockstar.

The X post read: ‘Ian Brown says when he drove into Didsbury the other day there was a sign at the side of the road that displayed the exact speed he was driving. “What else do they know about us?” he pondered.’

While Ryan’s 100,000 followers enjoyed the post very much, Brown did not.

‘He posted an angry rant saying, “Well, the joke’s on you because you were queuing up to get your COVID jabs, and now we’re seeing the harm it does.”‘

Mostly Ryan’s aim is to make people laugh and nothing more – but sometimes celebrities need to wind their necks in.

Stone Roses’ Ian Brown, however, wasn’t happy at being targeted by the parody account (Picture: Kevin Winter/Getty Images for Coachella)

‘Only very rarely do I go to the jugular for a celebrity who I think is being pompous, who I think can take it, or is being offensive in some way,’ he says.

It is a sort of satirical activism, in that sense. Although Fake Showbiz News will always get involved in current affairs – including the upcoming General Election – it’s more topical than political.

‘There’s humour to be had in the desperation of the candidates,’ he quips.

As for what’s next, Ryan has been offered brand collaborations in the past but none of them felt right. His deft fanbase would sniff that out in a minute.

Elon Musk’s new X does actually pay him £8 every now and then for his efforts, but Ryan won’t be quitting his day job any time soon.

A sketch show would be the dream. But until then Ryan will keep on jotting his weird and wonderful thoughts down, and will continue to be his nieces’ coolest uncle.

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