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Funniest joke of Edinburgh Fringe 2024 crowned and it’s diabolical-Kitty Chrisp-Entertainment – Metro
It’s that time of year again.
Mark Simmons officially has the funniest Edinburgh Fringe one-liner (Picture: Robert Perry/PinPep)
It’s time for U&Dave’s Funniest Joke of the Edinburgh Fringe, with the public giving their verdict after the TV channel scouts attended hundreds of shows in the Scottish capital this month.
However, as is the case with even the festival’s best puns, the 2024 winner is something out of a Christmas cracker. Although, we kind of love it.
Comedian Mark Simmons has won U&Dave’s award for the first time with his joke: ‘I was going to sail around the globe in the world’s smallest ship, but I bottled it.’
Ba-dum-tss.
Other jokes in the top 15 include one-liners from Olaf Falafel, Saray Keyworth and Alec Snook, anonymously voted for by the British public.
In its 15th year of the awards, Mark won from this line in his PHB’s Free Fringe show at Liquid Room Annexe, with 40% of Brits surveyed voting for it.
It’s quite something… (Picture: Robert Perry/PinPep)
To seek out the best one-liners, U&Dave recruited a panel of judges, including some of the leading comedy critics in the UK and fellow comedians.
These panellists attended hundreds of shows across the Edinburgh Festival Fringe and scribbled down the best one-liners, then submitted their ten favourites.
This shortlist was then submitted anonymously – without the name of the comic involved – to a public vote of 2,000 Brits, after which the victor was crowned.
U&Dave’s Top 15 Funniest Jokes of the Edinburgh Fringe festival 2024
I’ve been taking salsa lessons for months, but I just don’t feel like I’m progressing. It’s just one step forward… two steps back. – Alec Snook
Ate horse at a restaurant once – wasn’t great. Starter was all right but the mane was dreadful. – Alex Kitson
I sailed through my driving test. That’s why I failed it. – Arthur Smith
I love the Olympics. My friend and I invented a new type of relay baton: well, he came up with the idea, I ran with it.- Mark Simmons
My dad used to say to me “Pints, gallons, litres” – which, I think, speaks volumes – Olaf Falafel
British etiquette is confusing. Why is it highbrow to look at boobs in an art gallery but lowbrow when I get them out in Spoons? – Chelsea Birkby
I wanted to know which came first the chicken or the egg so I bought a chicken and then I bought an egg and I think I’ve cracked it. – Masai Graham
My partner told me that she’d never seen the film Gaslight. I told her that she definitely had – Zoë Coombs Marr
The conspiracy theory about the moon being made of cheese was started by the hallouminati. – Olaf Falafel
I’m an extremely emotionally needy non-binary person: my pronouns are ‘there there’. – Sarah Keyworth
I’ve got a girlfriend who never stops whining. I wish I’d never bought her that vineyard – Roger Swift
Gay people are very bad at maths. We don’t naturally multiply. – Lou Wall
Keir Starmer looks like an AI-generated image of a substitute teacher – Sophie Duker
Growing up rich is a hereditary condition. It affects 1% of people – Olga Koch
Having got into comedy after his friend convinced him to do an open mic night, winner Mark performed his first Edinburgh Fringe solo show in 2014.
He was previously placed 2nd, 6th and 9th in the award, but this is his first winning gag.
This year Mark debuts his show More Jokes, which runs until Saturday 24 August, and he is currently doing a 200 date tour of the UK, Ireland, Australia and New Zealand.
Speaking about his joke claiming the top spot, Mark said: ‘I’m really chuffed to win U&Dave’s Funniest Joke of the Fringe. I needed some good news as I was just fired from my job marking exam papers, can’t understand it, I always gave 110%.’
Previous winners of the Joke of the Fringe Award include Masai Graham, Ken Cheng, Olaf Falafel, Tim Vine, Rob Auton, Stewart Francis, Zoe Lyons and Nick Helm.
Lorna Rose-Treen won last year with her joke: ‘I started dating a zookeeper – but it turned out he was a cheetah.’
The Edinburgh Fringe festival – the largest open air arts and culture festival in the world – kicked off at the start of August and finishes at the end of the month.
It sees 3,317 productions descend on the Scottish city – across 262 venues and 51,446 performances – as Edinburgh bursts into life with street performances and posters around every turn.
The Edinburgh Fringe festival is in full flow (Picture: Jeff J Mitchell/Getty Images)
Metro.co.uk has been at the Edinburgh Fringe this year, chatting to comedians and seeing shows.
One comedian Raul Kohli revealed that he converted an EDF audience member during his show, while there’s been a trend of audience members collapsing at the festival – including a number of men fainting over Marjolein Robertson’s show with graphic period details.
Elsewhere, clown Garry Starr stood out as the wildest Edinburgh show as he crowd-surfed the audience completely naked, and Edinburgh native Eleanor Morton performed a thought-provoking hour on the festival invading her home town.
Harry Potter’s Jessie Cave wins on the unofficial most refreshingly confessional statement award as she admitted to ants feeding on her breastmilk in the night. Yikes.
One of the most incredible stories of the Fringe came from Spring Day, who described to the audience what it was like to be indoctrinated into a cult at the age of 13.
Perhaps we need a few more categories…
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