‘This is what I imagine Sony execs were saying before the PS5 Pro reveal’-GameCentral-Entertainment – Metro

If walls had ears… (Credits: AFP/Getty Images)

A Reader’s Feature tries to imagine what the boardroom discussions at Sony might have been like over the last couple of weeks.

A fictional (yes, definitely fictional) multi-billion dollar games company outlines its plans for the future…

CEO: What have we got for the rest of the year and beyond?

HENCHMAN: One of our developers want to make something unique, with stunning animation and a compelling core gameplay loop that reminds gamers why they love games so much in the first place. Best of all, it’s not overblown and can be finished in a reasonable time.

CEO: Sounds quirky. Shut them down.

HENCHMAN: What do you mean?

CEO: You know, peculiar, off the wall. Unconventional. We can’t be having that. What about the other studios? Any big open world live service epics, with all those side quests and microtransactions that people love so much?

HENCHMAN: You said the last one cost so much not to bother again. And you sacked most of the studio’s staff after they complained of burnout.

CEO: Burnout, now that was a hell of a game. What was it on again, the Spectrum?

HENCHMAN: Uhh…

CEO: What about our competitors over the road?

HENCHMAN: Well, they’re remastering their greatest hits collection, again, but it’s a lazy bare bones port.

CEO: That’s outrageous. And here we are working hard on our remasters like suckers. All these fancy modern bells and whistles and for what? Put an end to the remastering department and have it renamed the lazy, shoddy, port… whatever department. We can’t have our competitors stealing a march on us.

HENCHMAN: Sir, are you sure this is the way to go?

CEO: This is the way, as Yoda once said. He did.

HENCHMAN: I… think we need to get back on track here. There’s a very good 3D platformer out at the moment. What about making something like that, something that’s… you know… fun?

CEO: Wow, I know things can get a bit emotional but there’s no need for that type of inflammatory language. And anyway, I thought players said they were bored of 3D platformers?

HENCHMAN: Actually they didn’t. People like us told them they were. The audience have always liked imaginative games.

CEO: I’m getting sick of your attitude. We need to come up with something more daring!

HENCHMAN: How about an expensive over-the-top console reveal that’s barely an improvement on the last?

CEO: Come off it now. Take that back, I’ve still got some dignity you know.

HENCHMAN: You’re right. I apologise. Besides, we still have one or two big hitters coming out this year. When should we release them?

CEO: Let’s have a look… The Legend Of Link is out in a couple of weeks and after that there’s… [laughs]

HENCHMAN: You OK?

CEO: Sorry, I was just watching footage of that horror remake out in early October… bless ‘em. Anyway, release our games anytime between now and then.

HENCHMAN: But sir, isn’t that period a bit busy already?

CEO: Nobody else cares, why should we? Anyway, if our games flop, and they will, we have the prefect excuse for re…

HENCHMAN:
Rethinking our strategy?

CEO: Re-dundancies! Yes, to all! And replace all of studio developers, voice actors, etc. with AI.

HENCHMAN: They won’t stand for that!

CEO: Of course they will. AI love doing all that stuff. We should know, we’re AI systems after all.

HENCHMAN: We are?

CEO: This is the way.

By reader David

PS5 Pro – not Sony’s most successful reveal (Sony Interactive Entertainment)

The reader’s features do not necessarily represent the views of GameCentral or Metro.

You can submit your own 500 to 600-word reader feature at any time, which if used will be published in the next appropriate weekend slot. Just contact us at gamecentral@metro.co.uk or use our Submit Stuff page and you won’t need to send an email.

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