I spent a decade being manipulated by a master catfish-Josie Copson and Sarah Ingram-Entertainment – Metro

The notion of the ‘romance scam’ conjures up a stereotype of a lonely victim who haplessly overlooks the deception of their fraudster because they are so desperate for love.

But Kirat Assi – who was targeted by one of the longest catfish frauds ever known – was neither lonely nor desperate.

The vivacious, popular and successful young radio presenter from London started chatting to Bobby, a handsome cardiologist, on Facebook in 2009. The pair knew of each other through their shared Sikh community and Bobby knew her second cousin, Simran.

Kirat fell in love with Bobby… but he wasn’t the person she thought he was, as their relationship developed solely online. She was planning a future with someone who simply did not exist in the way he was being presented.

In 2018 – eight years after she first started chatting with Bobby – Kirat learnt the truth. Simran, who had been supporting her through the romance, was the real Bobby.

Simran used the images of a real man, and set up numerous fake accounts to entrap Kirat into a fake relationship. When Kirat had her doubts about Bobby, she would verify them by checking with Bobby’s friends and family, and even his medical team. But it was all Simran.

Sweet Bobby: My Catfish Nightmare tells Kirat’s story (Picture: Netflix)

Now, the harrowing story is being told in the Netflix documentary, Sweet Bobby: My Catfish Nightmare.

Reflecting on this painful segment after already releasing a podcast on the subject might seem like a counterproductive way for Kirat, 44, to move on. But for her, it simply needs to happen to change the narrative for future catfishing victims. Plus she’s never really been able to escape this chapter of her life.

‘It’s never gone away. It’s always there,’ she told Metro. On top of the emotional implications, there is also an ongoing police case after Kirat was originally dismissed by authorities.

‘I hope by coming forward, other victims are not treated the same way,’ she shared.

Kirat thought she was speaking to Bobby (Picture: Netflix)

‘I didn’t want to be shamed into silence. If that happened nobody would know the extent of the problem, and nothing will ever be put in place to deal with it.’

Kirat speaks openly about how every aspect of her life became unrecognisable. Even before the heartbreaking lies were exposed, the relationship had become toxic.

As a result, she was signed off from her job as an arts and events assistant for Hounslow Community Services due to stress. She resigned from presenting a Punjabi community show on Radio Desi, as Bobby didn’t like her ‘flirting’ with listeners. She stopped seeing her friends and family and became isolated from everyone who wasn’t Simran. She never left the house without Bobby’s permission.

‘I wasn’t allowed to do anything,’ summarised Kirat.

She recalled one particularly horrific birthday. Bobby told Kirat they shared the same birth date, but he didn’t like celebrating it. ‘It was another tactic of manipulation. I am a person who likes to celebrate everything, but now I couldn’t to respect his feelings.’ Although Karit was told she could go for brunch with a best friend, he then berated her.

Kirat gave up her radio show (Picture: Netflix)

‘I came back, and he was like, “You didn’t think that it was my birthday too and I shouldn’t be alone?” Whatever happened he would flip it on me. I was walking on eggshells,’ she painfully recalled.

Kirat had to answer Bobby’s regular phone calls immediately or face his wrath. In the final months, they stayed on the phone with each other every night. Bobby would whisper, claiming his vocal cords had been damaged in an operation.

‘He’d be angry if he called out and I wasn’t there so I’d have to tell him if I was going to the toilet, or making a glass of water,’ she said.

It didn’t begin this way. Kirat was originally made to feel special by her online boyfriend, who spent six years learning everything about her in friendly chats. This information was then used to ‘love-bomb’ Kirat, and ‘manipulate’ her to feel she was in love too.

‘Once I was committed, it became a case of coercive control. People don’t realise it can happen in online relationships,’ she emphasised.

Despite her suffering, Kirat noted that victim-blaming is often prevalent in catfishing cases, with people wondering how somebody could have fallen for it. ‘It can be seen as a joke,’ Kirat said, emphasising that she was always vigilant online, but the complex deceit made it difficult to uncover.

Kirat would stay on the phone to Bobby all night (Picture: Netflix)

Three years after the pair had started talking online and before their friendship turned into romance, Kirat saw a post on Facebook explaining that Bobby had been shot in Kenya, where he’d been getting married having found love again after a divorce. There was a picture of him wired up to machines in a hospital bed.

Following updates about his progress as Bobby fell in and out of comas, she felt helpless, but loved ones on Facebook kept her updated about his health; Bobby’s friends, his new wife Sanj, and Simran.

When Bobby woke from the coma and started messaging her, he told her he’d lost his memory, and then his condition started to deteriorate. Kirat was devastated when she received the message that he’d passed away.

Kirat was added to a Facebook group with 38 of Bobby’s loved ones, where they could grieve, post condolences and share memories of Bobby. She was later informed he wasn’t dead but had gone into witness protection.

Kirat thought Bobby had died after being shot (Picture: Netflix)

The pair soon reconnected and as his marriage broke down, Bobby admitted romantic feelings. Kirat believed she felt the same way.

They spent evenings designing their dream holidays on Pinterest boards, spoke about buying a house together and decided what they would call their children. During one online date night, Bobby proposed to Kirat during a Facebook chat, and she accepted the ‘understated’ offer. He began sending her pictures of wedding outfits, venues and rings to help them plan their upcoming nuptials.

Their romance was momentarily derailed when Bobby told Kirat he was expecting a baby with his ex, but they were able to work through it.

As things progressed, there was one thing Kirat wanted more than anything – to meet her groom. But an excuse was always provided, even after he moved to London.

In a moment of frustration, Kirat hired a private detective, who found Bobby’s address. He was based in Brighton. One day in 2018, Kirat got into her car and drove towards him. The boot was filled with presents for Bobby ranging from Spiderman toys after they’d discussed the film, clothes for his baby son, and decorative items for their future shared home.

‘I was always scared of what would happen if I challenged it too much, but I knew we needed to talk to each other face to face to sort it out,’ she explained.

Kirat thought something untoward was happening, but assumed Bobby had secretly gotten back together with the mother of his child. ‘I felt like I was going mad, but then would feel guilt for not trusting him. I was a shell of the person by this point. I had zero confidence and was totally by myself.’

Kirat was scared to challenge what Bobby said (Picture: Netflix)

After arriving at the Brighton home, she was met with the man in the images, alongside Sanj and their son. Kirat angrily confronted Bobby. ‘I was shouting, screaming, and crying. I was in a not good way.’ Everyone was utterly perplexed with Kirat and the real Bobby, thinking that the former was lying. A distressed Kirat called Simran, who spoke to Bobby over the phone, placated him and told Kirat what she needed to hear.

‘I was petrified,’ she recalled. ‘My head was spinning.’ Kirat left the property, fearful of what she might say in anger.

A few days later, Simran appeared on Kirat’s doorstep and confessed that she was the catfisher. After struggling to comprehend the news, and questioning what had led her to do it, Kirat started vomiting, before eventually passing out.

Waking up the following day, Kirat had one surprising, overwhelming feeling – relief. She no longer had to ask anyone to move around her own house.

‘In a weird way I felt free, while still trying to make sense of everything,’ she reflected.

It wasn’t as simple as quickly returning to her old life though. ‘It felt like I was in mourning. Overnight I lost my partner and all the people I was talking to. For me, it was all real, but there was no funeral, there was no goodbye, there was just nothing.’

She continued: ‘Doors were shut on me but through no fault of my own. I couldn’t explain my absence from work, or why I wasn’t married yet when people asked. I just had to carry on with my life.’

There was also a psychological impact that came after the online entrapment. For a long time, Kirat couldn’t even sleep in her bedroom, and so she’d try to get rest on the sofa in between nightmares. She’d also experience panic attacks and be constantly looking over her shoulder. Although they have now lessened, they are still occasionally prevalent.

To take back some control, Kirat sued Simran in a civil court. Simran made a payout and issued a formal apology letter under the condition that it was not shared beyond Kirat’s immediate friends and family.

There is no obvious reason as to why Simran decided to deceive Kirat. Years on, Kirat doesn’t care to find out why, as she ‘doesn’t believe a word she says’ anyway.

‘There’s nothing she could say that would make me go, “Okay, I understand”, because the need to do it was so unnecessary especially as I tried to stop it.

‘I’m slowly finding out, she has many other victims,’ she added.

Kirat knows little about Simran’s life now and actively avoids events where she may be in attendance.

‘I don’t know how I’d react physically if I saw her again,’ she honestly admitted.

‘I don’t know whether I’d go for her. I’ve never done that, but I can be fiery. There is also a part of me that doesn’t like drama, and who is still vulnerable. I might just fall apart.’

However, Kirat still wishes her no suffering and just wants her to accept responsibility for her actions.

The real Bobby didn’t know who Kirat was (Picture: Netflix)

In a bid to not let the past define her future, Kirat has returned to the jobs she once loved, and begun dating again. ‘I’ve dated a few people, and it’s been nice. I just had to tell myself that not everybody’s her. I still trust myself,’ she declared.

‘I would do anything to get those years back, but it’s not an option. Sometimes I think this is one big nightmare and I’ll wake up and it’ll be 2009.

‘People wonder how I can still have a smile on my face, but nobody is going to steal the rest of my life from me. Too much has already been taken.

‘I’m just stupidly determined to live the rest of my life,’ Kirat powerfully concluded.

Netflix said in a statement within the documentary: ‘Simran declined the opportunity to be interviewed. She said that this matter involves events that began when she was a schoolgirl. She considers it a private matter and strongly objects to what she describes as ‘numerous unfounded’ and damaging accusations.‘

Sweet Bobby: My Catfish Nightmare is streaming on Netflix from October 16

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