Jenny Eclair on her new life drawing show and why she’d love to sketch comedian Jayde Adams naked

The comedian, 60, on her arty nude game show, why curvy women make the best life models and why she really hates parks.

How’s your day been?

I’ve just done a radio interview and forgot it was on the radio and nearly said f***ing hell. I just managed to pull myself back. I saved my swears. You can edit out all the swears.

Actually, our readers like a bit of naughtiness…

Oh well, you can put all of the f***s in, then!

You’re hosting a nude life-drawing game show called Drawers Off. Sounds a bit racy for teatime TV.

It’s a lot less smutty than they’re probably making it sound. I feel a bit sorry for the dirty mac brigade, who have probably got it circled in their diaries with a front-seat view.

But there’s a lot of draping, a lot of backs to the easels, that sort of thing. It’s daytime television so you’re not allowed to see nipples. Well, you can see men’s nipples. You can’t see girls’ nipples.

You once had a job as a life-drawing model at Camberwell Art College…

Yes, I’ve done quite a lot of life-drawing classes and with most of them it’s full nudity. But on television you have to cut your cloth to fit your whatevers. I’ve been both sides of the canvas – there’s nothing here I haven’t done.

On our show there’s an art expert on hand called Diana Ali, who has all the life-modelling tricks up her sleeve.

Each of the artist contestants compete by painting and posing for each other, and she knows all the classical poses. She got them into positions that a) they could hold for an hour and b) retain some modesty.

What makes a good life model?

Non-twitching. Oh God, there was one person who was utterly rubbish. I thought he must have worms. This man could not stop wriggling, he was awful. I would have chucked him out of a life-drawing class.

Would you strip off for a class now?

It wouldn’t bother me in the slightest. I live in a glass house on a bus route and if people don’t want to see me walk naked across the landing then it’s up to them to shut their eyes.

Life is too short to worry about people seeing your bum when you’re getting changed on the beach.

Which comedian would you most like to draw naked?

Big, curvy women are the best. As a painter, I like a lot of colour and curved lines are easier to do. So I would go for someone gorgeously ample who would also get off on it. Someone like Jayde Adams. I’d have her with a leopard-skin drape. She would look magnificent.

How do you rate your artistic talent?

If you’re putting me in the field of very bad, untrained Sunday afternoon amateur painters, I would put myself as a six out of ten.

What’s your medium?

Acrylics. I do use oils occasionally but they’re a faff and they take forever to dry. And I don’t have a studio. For most of us who live in London and have limited space, acrylics are by far the most practical. I also use oil pastel crayon on black paper.

One of the contestants in Drawers Off is a tattoo artist. Would you ever get inked?

I think about it quite a lot. I would have something very traditional. I’m 60, I’m absolutely riddled with cellulite and I have the skin tones of a jelly fish so it’s very difficult to make a tattoo look classy when you’ve got that kind of canvas.

My daughter talks about having an anchor on her ankle so I’d probably copy her and have an anchor.

Your next tour is called Sixty! (FFS!) What’s the best thing about turning 60?

Oh, definitely the vaccines. This is the first time people over a certain age are actually embracing their age. I’ve not had mine yet. Unfortunately, they don’t count dry cracked heels and short-sightedness as a proper illness so I can’t jump the queue.

Any top tips for women about to enter the menopause?

Buy my book Older And Wider! There’s a chapter in it on handy tips for men, on how not to make it worse for their womenfolk.

The main tip for men is don’t laugh at your womenfolk when they’re trying to be really serious. My partner, Geoff, has occasionally thought it hilarious when I was trying to be serious and that’s not wise when I’m in the kitchen near the knife drawer.

What else have you been up to during lockdown?

I go out for a f***ing walk every day, which is the dullest thing. But you’ve got to get your arse out of the house and into a park, haven’t you? I’m so bored of parks.

I’m so bored of green spaces. I know spring is coming but, really, all I want to see is the inside of Liberty’s. I’m happy to do 10,000 steps around Liberty’s. Very happy indeed.

Drawers Off is on weekdays at 5.30pm on C4. For tickets to Eclair’s stand-up tour Sixty! (FFS!), visit her website.

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